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The biggest issue is that the paper is really under-footnoted, especially in the

The biggest issue is that the paper is really under-footnoted, especially in the later part. The reader needs to know what material you’re working from, what sources you’re using — all of which demonstrates knowledge of your research (please see attached for what I flag in terms of where sources are needed). Also, I’d maybe have an introductory paragraph that explains how you’ll be discussing the Third Crusade and the exchanges that resulted–anything that presents a wider picture to the reader. Finally, those sections in the latter part of the essay could all be combined in one big section. The conclusion should be added to, its a bit short as is.